Comme si, comme sa.

The Zero Theorem

5 Stars
Director: Terry Gilliam
Runtime: 1 hr. 47 min.
Released: September 19, 2014

Ever heard of Harry Potter?

This is nothing like that.

David Thewlis, also known as Professor Lupin, is the only similarity between the two narratives.

The Z.T.’s bleak, folks.

It’s dark, foreboding and existential. To follow a recent trend it’s also allegorical. Therefore, things can get confusing.


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The Tree of Life

5 Stars
Writer/Director: Terrence Malick
Runtime: 2 hr. 18 min.
Released: May 27, 2011
Fox Searchlight

I hate melancholy.

Floating in existential whispery sadness doesn’t warm the cockles.

I can’t believe The Tree of Life was nominated for best picture. Sure there’s good stuff in there, but it’s been a long time since I wanted a movie to end so badly.

Let me start out strong with my best argument.

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Oculus is a great movie for any casual fan of horror.


8 Stars
Writer/Director: Mike Flanagan
Runtime: 1 hr. 44 min.
Released: April 11, 2014 Wide
Relativity Media


How much is too much?

Although the story remains unread on my bookshelf, I’d imagine Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Grey deals heavily with this notion.

Since publication, many other horror stories utilize the mirror motif. Candyman (1992) is one of the scariest…

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A brief, but wildly satisfying action thriller.

Haywire 3

9 Stars
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Runtime: 1 hr. 33 min.
Released: January 20, 2012
Relativity Media

This film satisfies.

Specifically the urge to watch a female protagonist square off with a male in hand-to-hand combat, and realistically win.

I’ve never considered how ill-equipped women are for fist-fighting. But that’s probably a good thing.

With the long hair, the unstable shoe heels, and…

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Both Frank Miller sequels from 2014 can’t live up their predecessors, yet the follow-up to 300 is surprisingly enjoyable.

300 Rise of an Empire 2

7 Stars
Director: Noam Murro
Runtime: 1 hr. 43 min.
Released: March 7, 2014
Warner Bros. Pictures

When it comes to expectation, Rotten Tomatoes established a new dynamic.

Although I only made the realization days ago, I’ve been a long-time fan of Frank Miller adaptations, loving both Sin City (2005) and 300 (2006) in the theater.

Since its early March release, 300: Rise of an Empire is…

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A better flick than critics are making it out to be, especially for fans of horror.

As Above So Below

Director: John Erick Dowdle
Runtime: 1 hr. 33 min.
Released: August 29, 2014
Universal Pictures

Horror movies are rarely called ‘great.’

When was the last critically acclaimed horror movie released? You’d be hard-pressed to find anything since The Ring in 2002.

I haven’t seen The Conjuring, Mama or Oculus but people say they’ve got potential. I thought Drag Me to Hell was pretty good from 2009.


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Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (R)

A Dame to Kill For

7 Stars
Writers/Directors: Frank Miller & Robert Rodriguez
Runtime: 1 hr. 42 min.
Released: August 22, 2014
Dimension Films


It’s an injustice when critics refer to Sin City as a ‘cult classic.’

Likewise ‘campy’ denotes a lack in quality, and is unfit description of the first film.

A Dame to Kill For isn’t as good as its predecessor. Therefore if a group arises to defend their equality, then…

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For a PG-13 ‘Giant Monster’ movie, Godzilla’s pretty great.


Director: Gareth Edwards
Runtime: 2 hr. 3 min.
Released: May 16, 2014
Warner Bros. Pictures

Summer’s a-winding down.

You know what that means?

Less PG-13.

That’s right, folks. Content rated for ‘a mature audience.’

In consideration of the premise, one might presume this monster movie’s unsuited to a teenage audience.

At its core, Godzilla’s a horror story, no?

In terms of genre, it belongs under…

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Under the Skin (R)

Under the Skin

Director: Jonathan Glazer
Based on the Novel By: Michel Faber
Runtime: 1 hr. 48 min.
Released: April 4, 2014 Limited

‘Alien’ is a misnomer.

More accurately Laura, played by Scarlett Johansson, is an ‘extraterrestrial organism.’

A being who exists beyond our frame of reference. Seems puzzling, no?

Well it’s certainly elaborate, but not needlessly confusing.

Under the Skin is smart and mandates…

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Let’s Be Cops (R)

Let's Be Cops

7 Stars
Writer/Director: Luke Greenfield
Runtime: 1 hr. 44 min.
Released: August 13, 2014
20th Century Fox

A Wednesday release is odd enough.

But a 12% amongst top critics on Rotten Tomatoes?

Heavens to Murgatroyd! Things don’t look good.

Now. Are you sitting down?

When asked my opinion of Breaking Bad or The Wire my response is always the same, “I haven’t seen an episode, but I’m sure I’d love…

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Don’t be duped by the spoiler-heavy trailer, and let A Million Ways simmer awhile. Let the memory of the preview fade, and nab it as a rental in a year or two.

Smoking Guns

6 Stars
Director: Seth MacFarlane
Runtime: 1 hr. 56 min.
Released: May 30, 2014
Universal Pictures

Why get your hopes up?

It won’t help.

A Million Ways to Die in the West contains several genuine laughs and a number of chuckles. Don’t sully them with high expectations.

Have you seen the trailer? Hence the anticipation.

The preview gives away the majority of the jokes, reveals and cameos. Wait a…

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A film for gents who enjoy dark narratives, high tension and elaborate fight sequences.

The Raid Redemption

Writer/Director: Gareth Evans
Runtime: 1 hr. 40 min.
Released: March 23, 2012 Limited
Sony Pictures Classics

Kung fu needs a new publicist.

Somewhere along the way, martial arts acquired a bad reputation.

Perhaps Keanu’s been over-quoted.

Regardless, a number of great movies from the past few decades feature hand-to-hand combat: The Matrix, Shanghai Noon, the Rush Hours, Rumble in the Bronx.


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Metaphor and fights galore for those seeking a rental.

Snowpiercer 3

4 Stars
Writer/Director: Joon-ho Bong
Runtime: 2 hr. 6 min.
Released: June 27, 2014 Limited

Dystopian societies are hip.

So are post-apocalyptic civilizations.

It’s rare to find them together without robots, space travel or undead.

Snowpiercer is based off a French sci-fi graphic novel, Le Transperceneige, which colloquially translates to “The Train of the Snow Land.”

And boy is it…

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Of the four Marvel movies released this summer, this is my favorite. It won’t change your life, but you should thoroughly enjoy it.

Guardians Gamora

5 Stars
Writer/Director: James Gunn
Runtime: 2 hr. 1 min.
Released: August 1, 2014
Walt Disney Pictures

Don’t be fooled by my review.

Guardians of the Galaxy won’t help you achieve enlightenment, fall in love or lose weight.

Especially if you’re the chick who sits beside me, crushing a tub of popcorn singlehanded.

[Quick sidebar: Basin soloists do a weird move where they excavate the warmest…

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